A Good Pun Is Its Own Reward. 
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. 
Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before. 
Practice safe eating -- always use condiments. 
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. 
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. 
A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. 
Sea captains don't like crew cuts. 
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? 
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. 
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. 
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. 
What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway. 
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 
A backward poet writes inverse. 
In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes. 
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. 
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. 
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat 
minor. 
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. 
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. 
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum 
Blownapart. 
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under. 
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 
Every calendar's days are numbered. 
A lot of money is tainted - 'taint yours and 'taint mine. 
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. 
He had a photographic memory that was never developed. 
A plateau is a high form of flattery. 
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at 
large. 
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. 
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. 
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd 
dye. 
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. 
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. 
Acupuncture is a jab well done. 
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeet. 


Submitted by Carl Lockhart